We were lost...

There are times in our lives when we may feel lost. Over the years, I have had my fair share of this feeling. One time comes to mind that I want to share with you. This happened quite a while back, but it is something that I am reminded of frequently.

At the time, Ryan was working for a steel decking construction company. That meant that he was away from home more than he was at home. There were times when he would be gone for months on end. I was a full-time stay at home mom working a 31 business for something to be on the side. I hadn't decided to go back to school yet because I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do. Being that caregiver of two children is a big responsibility.

On this particular day I had to take him to meet the crew so he could go off on a stint of out of town work. I hadn't driven to this location as he normally carpooled with others. We get him there and on my way home, my GPS malfunctioned and had me going the wrong way on I-75. I had no choice but to look for something familiar. In that moment, I uttered the words "Jesus, take the wheel". A few moments later, I received a sign from above. It was a sign for a city and road I knew would take me back where I needed to be. Yes, it was a much longer route. Yes, I was nervous. No, I did not freak out. I knew that I would arrive where I needed to be.

I drove about an hour out of the way going the back roads through a town I had only been in one time, but knew this road would take me back to where we were living because we frequented the other end of the very road I was travelling.

The morale of this story is that sometimes we rely too much on technology and not enough on our own knowledge of our surroundings to get us from point a to point b.

In Isaiah 41:10, we are reminded "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". As we go forth in our everyday lives, I challenge you to remember not to be in fear. The Lord has this!

Just the other day, we had another little "lost" moment. We had driven home from Walmart in Wade Hampton, SC tons of times because it is our preferred store. Not only is it closer than the one here in Greenville, but it's not as busy. This night, we had gone to pick up some of the things we needed for Mackenzie's eagles day at school. On our way home, we didn't even contemplate what route we would take because we knew it well. Or so we thought...

It was dark due to this being one of Ryan's mandatory overtime days. We still knew the landmarks to look for.

We make the first turn. No issues.

We make the 2nd turn and about 200 yards down the road, it's closed. Every emergency vehicle you could think of was there with the road completely blocked. It was time for the little sedan we drive to take a U-turn and we would have to navigate ourselves out somehow.

We took that about-face and found ourselves turning right on a road we had never been on. We traveled down it for about 20 seconds and both realized this wasn't going to help us. We pulled out our technology and programmed in our home. It turns out that staying on that road for a couple miles would take us right where we needed to be.

Being new to the area, we are learning all kinds of ways to get places. We may have been lost for a moment, but like the old hymn says, we were found.

Share a time when you were lost and how that situation was worked out.

Love,
The Coxes

World Changers

As I sit here pondering how amazingly awesome my kiddo looks with all her crazy blue and yellow hair for school today (I'll include a picture below), I can't help but think how awful that spray was for the ozone layer. I then morph into a thought of what would I do if I could change the world?

Really thinking over it, I think I would do what I am already doing and hopefully others would catch on. You see, it only takes one person doing something repetitively for others to catch on and really want to be part of the cause.

For about a year, I have made it a point to do at least one thing that brightens someone else's day. You see, I firmly believe that it is better to spread love than hate. If we make it a point to be nice and uplift others, they will do the same for us.

I think that if we were more supportive of one another rather than critical and demeaning, we would live in a completely different world today.

Think about it:

You are in a public place and someone is having a conversation with a waiter or cashier and realize they don't have the money they need for the basics. Do you ignore that and then make snide comments or do you give the person what they need so they can buy whatever it is they really needed and pray for them?

I would hope you would say the latter of the two. A quick story from a few years back is why I started this. I was having a girls lunch with my bestie, Juanita. Nita and I were just having a blast talking and catching up as we ate our Apple-bee's. We were going to go to Hobby Lobby after for some shopping around. We sat kitty-corner to an older man who enjoyed his lunch. When it came time for him to go, the waitress came and said her manager wouldn't allow her to pay for his lunch this time. My guess is that he was a frequent and that she normally covered his meal from her tips. Without hesitation, I walked over to him and thanked him for his service and laid $20 in hand. This many was brought to tears by the generosity of a stranger who just happened to be in the right place at the right time. The waitress came over to my table after he had paid and left to thank me because she didn't feel right making him pay for his lunch after all he'd done for our country. You see he was a war vet and he was left with little-to-nothing with the state of the economy that year.

After that time, I never saw the man again, but I came away knowing that I had just done the work of Jesus by loving on someone in need. I also made the decision that I needed to make it my mission to lift the spirits of others daily. It may not always be by giving money, maybe they only need a friend to listen to them or someone to pray for them. Whatever they need, I like to provide. Some days, it's a sneak attack on Facebook or Slack to let someone know you are thinking of them. Other days it's making cookies and taking them to a neighbor just because.

What can you do to make our world a better place?

And finally, that photo I promised you:

She's all dolled up and ready to show her school spirit! I'm so excited for all that this year has to bring her and can't wait to see where she goes from here.

Although we have aged... Class of 1999 is still teaching us things

Aged

Recently, I had the displeasure of missing my 20th high school reunion. We have only been in our new home for under 6 months and so we are still becoming acclimated to our new surroundings as well as having to adjust our budget to meet the new cost of living in our new city. This meant that my husband had to get a new job and that was quite the process. As we are bouncing back from a time where I was the only one working for a couple of months, I was reminded that some of the things I thought I "needed" to do were only wants instead.

• We didn't get to go to the lake this summer. 
• We didn't get to go to any of the activities downtown. 
• We didn't get to go to Pretty Place. 

There are so many things we didn't get to do. This doesn't sadden me at all. It just means that I have the opportunity to plan for them and make our trip next year or later in the fall even more memorable.

Last weekend I was hoping that I would have been able to have gone home for my reunion. It has been 20 years since I've seen anyone from high school and to be quite honest, I needed an opportunity to mingle among people my age who had at least 1 thing in common. We are Pirates. Class of 1999. We are unique.

Since I wasn't able to go, I have been seeing pictures on Facebook of the event. Everyone who was able to go had a great time! One thing I noticed was that although we had all aged, there was the group of people together who taught me so many things.

• Leah - to believe in myself
• Jay - that no matter what anyone says I am me and that's all that matters. 
• Cassie - that even if you don't feel it right now, others love you for you. 
• Cindy - that as we grow we only become stronger individuals than we were yesterday
• Leigh - that volleyball is cool! (I may have learned that from your kids though). 
• Amanda and Amanda - that there couldn't be two more beautiful or more friendly Amanda's on earth and that beauty comes from within. 
• Rita - that the strength from within will come at the perfect time. 
• Debbie - that listening to others opinions isn't necessary
• Shamar - that being "short" is perfectly fine because God only let's things grow until they reach perfection
• Daniel - that no matter what others say the only thing that matters is that we do what is best for OUR families. 

This is only a small list of lessons that my CHS Class of 1999 has taught me. Many more have taught other lessons over the years and will continue teaching me lessons. The key is for me to remember that no matter how much I age, I must remember the good and not the bad. Focus on the positive because the negative never gets us anywhere. See you in 10 years friends!

Much Love!!!

Bye bye expectations of others... Hello JOY!

It's hard to write about things that are tough subjects and that is why I simply haven't been writing over the last several years. You see, I have been told what I should be doing for so long that I feel like a shell of a person just striving to do what others think is best for my family.

You see, for so many years I was judged and I still am. People who are supposed to be in my corner are just sitting back there looking at what I do and shaking their heads. They shake their heads because what I am doing is not what they think I should be doing. As I explore more of expectations in this blog post, let's take a step back and see what is really going on.

I have brothers and sisters, yes. However, when was the last time one of them contacted me just to say hi? I can't remember a time. Instead, they reach out when they want something. Whether it's to ask if I know how to do something or to simply tell me that I am stupid, that's the kind of contact I get. You see, when I decided to move out from home at the young age of 18 and move nearly 1,000 miles away they made their decisions as to if they wanted to be part of my life or not. Their actions over the years have proved that I am the black sheep. The one no one wants to be near. This has not only hurt, but also proved that I was right to move away from the dysfunction that surrounds my family.

I have friends, however they are all far away. I am not the type of person who easily makes friends. It takes boatloads of trust for me to build relationships with anyone because of the number of times I've been burned. As sad as that is, I am constantly reminded that my mind works this way for a reason.

I work from home. I am blessed to have had this job for more than 3 years. However, many have shown just how much they disapprove of my keeping this job simply because it doesn't pay as much as they think it should. They don't care that this job has been what has supported my family when it needed to or that it has been what has kept me mentally able to deal with everyday.

I was a stay at home mom, but I was too afraid to tell anyone because my husband didn't make a ton of money, so we would have been judged for me being a stay at home mom.

Even after I started working and my children were bullied at school, I pulled them home and they were doing great with homeschooling I was judged. Because others thought that the children weren't getting enough socialization.

You see, no matter what I do, others see this as not good enough. Because I don't make nearly $100k a year, I am not doing enough for my family. Because I don't always have a smile on my face and willingness to go and do what others want to do, I'm not good enough. Because I don't have a 2nd car I'm not good enough.

There are so many things that people can judge me on, and I am just so tired of it. It has gotten to the point to where I ask "what would so-and-so say about this decision". I can't just do something because it's something that I or my family wants to do. We can't live where we want. We can't work where we want. We can't celebrate milestones the way we want. The list goes on and on. We are all but destined to be robots doing whatever everyone else wants us to do.

This leads me to an article posted on Huffpost where Arabelle Yee discusses expectations and whose we are really fulfilling. The main points of her article are:

1. What ifs
2. Fitting in
3. Expectations
4. Norm

Basically she says that because we have become a society that lives our lives by weighing the pros and cons of every situation, we will always come back to the negative and not do what we really want to do. For me this translates into "what if so-and-so disapproves". I should not have to think about what other people will think about a decision that I have made. I should not have to worry that one of my brothers will tell me that I need to find a place to love and stay there. I should not have to worry that because I have made a decision others will think my children will suffer.

We do this because we are afraid that we will not fit into the mold that society has created for our lives. Because we have grown up in the land of opportunity, society expects so much out of us. These high expectations is what leads to people being depressed. It is what leads to failure. As friends and family  members, we must remember that it is our job to support and uplift one another not judge and talk about our loved ones behind their backs. I am excluded from many things and purposely photo shopped out of pictures people post online because I don't fit the mold that they want to display. This only alienates people further.

Society has decided over the years to apply expectations. This goes all the way down to when we are infants. We expect our children to be sitting by 6 months and walking by 12 otherwise there must be something wrong with them. We expect our teenagers to get perfect grades because we are expecting them to attend ivy league schools on full ride scholarships, but when do we stop and listen to what they want? We do not realize that our fantasies (our expectations) are just that... a fantasy. In the real world, we cannot meet fantasies because that's just what they are. Hopes and dreams set so high that a normal person would not ever be able to reach it.

Finally, we need to take a step back and think about the norm. We need to realize that the norm is only as such because that's what others are doing in a similar way. We must become aware of what the norm is and then live our lives the way we want to live them. We must set aside what others think is best for us and simply do what brings us the most joy.

Dalai Lama said "I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path".

If we really take hold of those words and find a way to make sure that we are not allowing the expectations of others to dictate our lives, we will slowly see the joy come back into our lives a little at a time.

What are some ways you can work to do this?