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Thursday, November 20, 2008

A new take on my marriage and parenting.

I have had a very trying year. To the exent that I had all but given up on my marriage and children. I was at an all time low, and although things are not where they need to be, I have taken these last few days to do a lot of soul searching. Many people are able to just talk things out and don't understand when I need time to myself to just think. Upon thinking, today in the garage I found a book called, Loving Thoughts by Helen Steiner Rice. I flipped through the pages and found a poem and as I read it I decided at that moment that I wanted a change for our family. Here is the poem I found.

Each Day Brings a Chance to Do Better

How often we wish for another chance
to make a fresh beginning,
A chance to blot out our mistakes
and change failure into winning--
And it does not take a special time
to make a brand-new start,
It only takes the deep desire
to try with all our heart
To live a little better
and to always be forgiving
And to add a little "sunshine"
to the world in which we're living--
So never give up in despair
and think that you are through,
For there's always a tomorrow
and a chance to start anew.

So, as I read this poem, I saw my Monday flash before my eyes. I saw that there was need for a new beginning. We are working on things between us and for our children. I was so close to "giving up in despair" as the poem said, however I did not do that completely and I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had. I would have been just like my father. He runs from his problems instead of facing them head on and I refuse to do that. I am going to continue working on my relationship with my husband and children, so if you find that you aren't seeing much of me, know that I just need some time and that in time I will be back to coming around and being with all of you who love me and my family and want things to work out for the best.

A big thank you to: Carol! After I talked to you today at the school, I knew that I didn't want to not grow old with you in my immediate family! You are such a joy to be around and I can't imagine life without you!

Derrick and Amanda: Thank you for comming and getting Maddie for a few days. It was so sweet of you and I appreciate it like you can't imagine. I think you knew that I needed some time and that is why you offered. I am forever greatful for you and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Kenzie and Maddie thank you for putting up with an unhappy mommy here lately! Things will get better!

Ryan, thank you for not kicking me to the curb! I know that on Monday we had a really big dynamite explosion in our relationship, but I pray that you will help me to sort things out and hopefully grow closer together in the process! Love you!

Angel: thanks for being there. You don't even realize how much of an impact on me you have. I see the struggles you and your child have had and I don't want those for my kids.

I need to nap before work.
Talk to y'all later!

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