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Sunday, March 8, 2009

Lately, I have had a really bad headache. I am talking for the last 3 days. It was so bad that I went to bed wayyyy early last night and it does feel much better today. Which is a good thing because Kenzie is having her birthday party today. Although the cake got ruined and we had to order one from publix, I think it will work out. I just am so bummed that it didn't work out. She asked me a long time ago to make this certain cake and I tried. I just wanted her to have her dream cake since when I was a kid I was lucky to be acknowledged as being the birthday kid let alone getting a cake. People don't understand why it upset me that the cake got ruined and they go to the extreme as one commenter did saying that I am unstable as a mother and that I need to go to a shrink. First of all if you are too scared to let me know who you are, I can't let you know how I really feel. Second, I will not be submitting myself to a shrink. I had a really bad experience with one as a kid and will never confide in anyone other than my sister ever again. I was forced to go to a shrink as a teenager. That shrink went back to my adopted mother and told her everything that was told in "confidentiality". After that, I stopped talking and will not even fathom to begin another round of my being violated by a stranger who is supposed to be helping me. It never helps anyone anyway. Now for me being unstable.... Well, let me see here. I do have my moments but doesn't everyone? I am a little more unhappy than the average happy go lucky wife and mother yes, but does that make me unstable? I am in a time of my life where I feel like my husband should support me in my decisions to take a day out to myself now and again, but I get:

"Kenzie, Mommy is going out with Angelena."

the child replies with, "I wanna go"

and the father answers: "Ok, I will tell her to take you"

What am I saying? I am saying that I get ABSOLUTELY NO time to myself. I am always home with the kids being driven crazy. I never get a chance to be alone. I have never had a moment where someone isn't in my face all the time. I get tired of that just like anyone else would. So, now that you know what is really going on would you leave my mental status out of it? Oh, and thank you for ruining my day on my daughter's birthday party day by judging me to be an unstable mother! That is just like saying that I should just not be with my kids in the first place.

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